The Gratitude Escalator

Comedian Mitch Hedberg says that an escalator is never broken, it’s only “Temporarily Stairs”.
Being grateful day to day is probably a lot like using an escalator. Some days it’s easy to be grateful. Other days have rough patches where we’re tempted to write the whole thing off as a ‘bad day’, a day that’s essentially broken, a day that violates that invisible contract in our mind that promises only days of ease.
But a day is never “broken”, it’s just that some days have moments that turn out harder than usual, moments where the escalator to gratitude is not operational and we can only arrive there through our own determined effort.

When Your Printer Gets Too Needy

To be honest, it’s just not very mature, the way I behave with my printer. I’m angry with the thing, but not in that sort of slightly frustrated “tech-aversion” kind of way.

I’m upset like its a person that’s just pushed me too far.

Here’s the deal. With my Lexmark printer, I find that whenever I get a new ink cartridge, it’s only about 5 print jobs before it’s giving me friendly messages that “You may be running out of ink soon, and here’s how to buy more.” Experience has taught me that this message occurs about 3 months before I actually do need new ink.

So why does this this innocent message make me so upset? Aren’t there lots of popup windows with computers a la “do you really want to exit?” “Would you like to save this?”, etc?
Yet these are examples where my computer is looking out for my best interest. The Lexmark message is different, more like a needy whine. It’s not unlike an upset toddler in a store, attracting attention and demanding some item that it really doesn’t need. And like the todder, it is persistent and will not stop until it’s unmet “un-need” is met.

At worst, this printer is tapping into a basic human fear of scarcity, a fear that at some point there may not be enough food, water, and printer ink to go around. So you must buy now! And how much extra revenue has been generated this way?

Perhaps I am stretching the devious nature of lexmark -  or maybe I’m just seeking to prove that I’m somehow more mature than this whiny printer of mine…

Beano and the Price of Gas

Priopriety, of course, is not free.

Just like blue chip stock, a new Toyota, or last minute Coldplay tickets, everything in this magical free market has a very specific price depending on how bad we need it.

In the case of Beano, we apparently need to be polite at the price of about 5 cents a meal ($13.29/100 at Costco, use as directed).  Raise the price to a dime and there goes the neighborhood (and the atmosphere for that matter).

They don’t have a Beano for burps, but the cost of a burp could be estimated with the price of cucumber seeds.  Cucumbers are famous for their burp-potential, so they’ve invented seeds that grow cucumbers that are “burpless”.  (both prices come from a company poignantly called “burpee”).

Regular Cucumber Seeds:  $2.95

“Burpless” Cucumber Seeds: $3.50 (you can do the math).

Now a sneeze seems like it should be less embarrassing and thus less expensive.  But it is more infectious and also uncomfortable for the sneezer.  So the $6.90 for 36 pseudoephedrine = less discomfort + less embarrassment.

But wait a minute…

Most sneezes are followed by a parade of blessings from surrounding people!  So if you’re a fan of good will or are a person of faith, you might want to attract more of these sneeze-benefits.

So maybe there should be a price on something that makes you sneeze.  Snuff powder in the 1800′s could accomplish this for you. Certainly, more people paid to sneeze back then and nobody was paying not to.

At some point in history it became more valuable not to sneeze than to sneeze and the market shifted.  And that means that somewhere in time, in the middle of that transition, there must have been a fleeting moment when a sneeze was completely neutral in value.

As, perhaps, it should be…

Welcome to Honest Tuesdays

Honesty is how the comedians cause us to double over in laughter

Honesty is bright lights and clean mirrors

Honesty is why advice is sometimes hard to take

When you’re honest you will know why you can’t get started, or why you can’t seem to stop

Honesty is pursuing your dreams despite the inconvenience

Honesty is an idea you’ve never agreed with, but somehow can’t get out of your head

Honesty means looking closer and it means stepping back for the bigger perspective

Honesty is a blogger who admits he can’t possibly be interesting every single day…